he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
