I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
