the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
