So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
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I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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