He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
