@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
