btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
