Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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