i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
