Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
