I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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