mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
