in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
