party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
