I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
