The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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