either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
