She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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