Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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