he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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