yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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