If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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