Swine flu. Run for my life!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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