Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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