Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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