Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
