I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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