i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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