tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
