I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
