i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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