I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
