My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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