we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
