Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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