I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
