I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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