your room smells of hookers.
And success
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
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All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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