So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
