Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
