Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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