I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
from now on my penis is your penis
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
