and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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