Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
