so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
