the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
