i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
