yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
