my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?