I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm at about main and main street
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse