Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.