stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked