I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.