Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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