uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
