Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
