i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
