8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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