The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
