you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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