Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Randomize
