so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
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the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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