Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
