I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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