Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
