marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
