I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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