I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
