Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
