just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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