just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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