It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
